At the funeral, Aunt Darla got up to speak.

I really don't know how she held it together.. other than she IS my mother's sister.  Like Mom, Aunt Darla handles times like that with an amazing amount of dignity and grace.  Even through her own grief... she has been an incredible source of support for me. 

At the funeral... she said "Whenever you want to talk about your mom... I want to talk about her too"

And who better to talk to other my Dad and the girls than her?  Like me and the girls... she has known my Mom her whole life.  Growning up they shared a bathroom, a bedroom, and even a bed.

When I talk to her, it comforts me.  Not because she sounds like my Mom, or says the things that my Mom would have said, but because she knew her.  She loved her.  She misses her too.

When I tell her things that I would want to tell Mom... she can picture Mom's reaction and it helps me picture it too.

"Oh Sara, she would be grinning from ear to ear rubbing her hands together like crazy!"

She WOULD be.

In September I talked to the brother of a friend I had lost a long time ago.  It was the anniversary of her death, and I wanted him to know that I still thought of her too.  Selfish I know, but that's how I roll.  What he said stuck with me... and means even more now than it did back then.  He said, "sometimes I forget that my family and I are not the only ones to have lost somebody close to us."

I've tried to remember that these last months.  While not everyone lost their Mom or wife... people lost their sister, their aunt, their daughter, their grandma, their co-worker and their friend.  Their loss isn't any less than the one we had.  Their relationship was different, so their loss was different.

But they still knew her... and they loved her... and I need to continue to remember that... and I need to continue to draw from that.  Because their experiences were different, they have different memories or insights into the person she was... all things that will help me know her more. 

And so what if I cry when I talk to people.  I cry when I DON'T talk to people.  And if you shouldn't "drink" alone... I don't think you should "cry" alone either.

I'm sure Mom just threw her hands up in the air and said, "Finally!'  So it took me awhile.  I'm just a little slow at times.