Putting one in the win colum

I didn't cry on Mother's Day.  

I know that seems like a simple thing, but it's been a struggle to get through the last few Mother's Days without the bitterness taking over the sweetness of the day.

Instead I enjoyed the day with my gorgeous babies and played games and ate food that was bad for me and enjoyed the gorgeous flowers that Hubby brought me while Courty sang Happy Birthday.

I didn't cry on Mother's Day.  It's going in the win column.

20 years ago today the lives in my little high school bubble were changed. It's no different of a story than that of pretty much every high school anywhere. There was an accident, we learned that we were NOT invincible, and our childhood fell away in that moment.

Since I started teaching I've seen that same series of events happened in just about every generation of kids.

I've seen students walking the hall carefree one day, and then paid my respects at a funeral home a few days later.

I'm 20 years older, with 20 more years worth of life than that boy.  Nearly 18 more than that girl... and so on.

In that moment... it's all you can do to breathe.  If you even CAN breathe.  I remember getting those phone calls that took my breath away.

But slowly... ever so slowly your lungs begin to fill again. 

You stop drowning in your own tears and you start to move forward.

But you never really forget.

It can be a little boy who barely remembers his grandma crying at bedtime.

It can be a date on a calendar.

It can be a run with an old friend.

And you remember.  And you fight not to cry, and you remind yourself to breathe.

Because ever so slowly your lungs begin to fill again, you stop drowning, and you start moving forward.