It was suggested to me that I write a letter to my Mom to help me deal with my grief. But what would I say in a letter like that?
Would I ask her if she loved us? Would I ask her if she was proud of us? Would I ask her if she missed us?
No.
That would be a waste of ink. Because I know the answers to those questions. She adored us. But more than that, she liked us. She was proud of us as mothers and sisters and friends. She missed us when we left the room... left the house... or the state. So being away from us like this... without a doubt she misses us.
So what would I say in a letter like that?
Maybe I would say that the thought of Courtlynn turning one next week... the thought that my baby has lived her entire life in a world without my mom... that my mom hasn't been here for one single breath that she's taken... that she will only know Grandma Cindy through pictures and stories...is nothing less than tragic.
The thought that when Suttie Joe turns 4 in November.. that he will have lived more of his life without her than he did with her... that he forgets her voice and smell....horrific
That Keegan started Kindergarten and will learn to read and write and never be able to read a birthday card that she picked out for him....unjust.
So how would a letter like that help me with my grief? The thought of even sitting down to write a letter like that makes me sob. Not for myself... but for them.
If grief the same thing as overwhelming sadness? Because my grief is just that. Overwhelming sadness for all of our babies...and all of their babies.... because the world they live in isn't as good as it should be.
