Intervention Divine

A few days after Mom died, I said to James, "You know... I had kinda thought about having one more.... but now that Mom's gone, I can't."  "I know" he said.  "I know."  My Mom had been in the room with us when both the boys were born, and stayed those first exhausting days helping out, doing dishes, scrubbing the floor.... letting me cry, and just holding and loving my babies.

I would be lying if I said I hadn't still thought about another baby from time to time.   (And though he probably won't admit it... James had from time to time too.)  I was blessed with great pregnancies like my Mom... and have gorgeous babies... also like my Mom.  In the back of my head, I thought, "well if James gets out and gets a great job, and we get a little more financially stable... maybe I'll mention it."  But in the front of my head, I knew that there was NO WAY he would want to have a baby after age 40.

 And that was it.  In that brief exchange of words, we finally made the decision that we were done.

Of course we should have been done with Suttie.  The instant I held him for the first time, I felt this overwhelming sense of completion.  He was Ege boy number four.  He was the final "cog" in our Disneyland Family.  Being one of three... I knew what it was like to go to an amusement park and have to decide who was going to ride alone, or sit out. 

But more than that... we aren't getting any younger and it's not like we are rolling in the cash.  In fact, since James' retirement, finances have definitely been a big stress for us. 

How many times did my Mom tell me...."You never wait until you are ready to have a baby... because you'll never have a baby."

I imagine it only took Mom a short amount of time to find her way to Heaven's Nursery.  Just a few days after she passed, the circle of life continued with the birth of one of Lindsey's best friend's son.  Of course Mom would have been drawn to this new little "Dylan."  So when he was fighting for his life in those early days, I'm SURE that she was holding him tight, rocking him while the doctors here on Earth took care of him.  

I'm sure it was about the time little Dylan stopped needing her that she started looking around at all those other little souls, and made a shocking discovery.

Grandbaby Number #9

I'm sure she grinned a huge grin... and rubbed her hands together with anticpation as she made her way over to this new little soul. 

"Let Grandma Cindy hold you for a little while!" she must have said.

She must have known that she wouldn't get to hold this little one for long, so I'm sure she made the most of her time.  I'm sure she rocked this little one in a squeaky chair just like the one she had rocked all her other Grandbabies in.  "Oh you little Pumpkin Eater!" I'm sure she said more than once.  "Where's Grandma's sugar?" she surely asked... and then snuggled the baby's neck to find it. 

Even though there is probably no poop in Heaven... I'm sure she changed that little one's diaper multiple times... and gave that "dollbaby" several baths and slathered it in baby lotion... but only Johnson's...

And then she must have said, "Oh!  I'm gonna miss you so much!"  and then hugged the baby tightly for as long as she could...

And then... ready or not... she sent that baby to us.  Trusting us to love it as much as she did. 

And we will.  Because how you could NOT love a baby that has been hand picked for you from someone who loved babies so much.

ANY baby of ANY gender.

It's bittersweet for sure.  I have a really hard time looking at pictures of my Mom with her other 8 grandbabies... knowing that there will be no pictures of her with this little one.  It's hard knwing that she won't be in the room with us, or there to share in all those little milestones with this little one, but how lucky is this baby to have had that special time with Grandma Cindy in Heaven?

So there it is.  Through intervention divine... we are having grandbaby #9.

PS.

Please, please, please.  Do not ask if we are "hoping for a girl" or say "I bet this is your girl!  That is horribly offensive to us.  It implies that we were in some way dissappointed when our previous babies were boys.  We are hoping for a healthy baby.  We ADORE our boys.  My Mom ADORED our boys.  If she decided that the perfect baby for us was another boy we will be thrilled.  If she decided the perfect baby for us was a girl we will be thrilled.
 

Reunion at last...

My Grandpa passed away on April 8th.  Friends and family were worried about how I would take it... since it was my birthday.... but that never bothered me a bit.  I was happy that his pain had ended, he could once again walk unassisted, hear clearly, and see his wife and three oldest daughters greet him at the gates of Heaven!  If nothing else, it gives me a lasting tie to a really great guy. 

Grandpa called me Elaine.  With all the grandkids that he had... you wouldn't be surprised if he got a name wrong here or there... but he called me Elaine because he thought that I look like Julia Louis Dreyfus on Seinfeld.  He told me I just wasn't allowed to call him Krammer.  I LOVED that.  I loved that he said he got to see me every night on tv.  I loved the fact that my 93 year old grandpa watched Seinfeld. 

The funeral was hard, but for so many other reasons.  It was hard because I fear that it might be one of the last times our whole family gets together.  With our lives all as busy as they are... it's hard to all get together... but we did it for Grandpa.  But it was especially hard to see all the pictures of my mom.  In ALL the pictures... she was smiling like crazy.  She was ALWAYS happiest when she was with her family... so the pictures reflected that.  It was hard to be there and not have my mom there to lean on.  It was hard to see all those same people again so soon who loved my Mom.  Mom was just like Grandpa... she kept the family together. 

On the day that we got married, Grandpa was at Mom and Dad's house while I was getting ready.  I wish I had had a video camera... or a tape recorder... because Grandpa sang me a song that day.  I can't remember all the words... but it basically went along the lines of

"She's getting married, she looks pretty... I hope they hurry up before he changes his mind...."  and then he giggled.  He thought he was pretty darn funny... and so did I!

I'm sure once he got to Heaven, those women started fussing over him... getting him food.... making sure he was wearing what they thought he should be wearing....

Or just checking to make sure he was doing ok.

My Grandpa Walter is dying.  Well that's what all the doctors say.  His kidneys are failing, he has lung cancer, and his blood pressure has been dropping.  His sight is almost gone, his hearing is crap, he is trapped and isolated in this once strong body.

Obviously the doctors didn't ask GW what he thought about this dying business.  Because even though we were told it was a matter of maybe two days... he's still fighting.

But that's who he is.

He was an orphan by the age of 11, and then bounced from family member to family member.  Even with that, he managed to enroll in junior college before entering the War.

He's buried a wife, an infant son, and three grown daughters. 

He asked last night, "Why am I still here?"

I have to think he's been wondering that for awhile.