What I know

Here's what I know.

That sentence used to be different.

At first, I wrote, "Here's what I believe"

But there is a difference between believing something and knowing something.

example... they believed the earth was flat...

So here is what I know.

I know, that when someone passes away, their life is not over.

I know that they transistion from their life here, to their life in the afterworld.

I know this.

I know this, because I have proof.

Again, this is what I know... not what I believe, and CERTAINLY not what YOU believe. 

Because honestly... I don't really care what you believe.

Here is the proof that I have.

Years ago, I lost a very good friend.  She was the good friend... I had infact NOT been a very good friend.

After her death, I carried around terrible grief and guilt for years. 

And then, because she was the better friend, and because she knew I had suffered enough, she came to me.

She came to me in a dream, and simply smiled at me.  And with that smile, I knew that I was forgiven.

I know that she forgave me.

When my grandmother passed away, my dad grieved for her.  Just like with us, his mom had been a huge influence and part of his life. 

He still needed her.

And so she came to him one last time.  In a dream.

She came and told him that she was ok... but that she wouldn't be coming back to see him any more. 

If Grandma was anything, she was true to her word.  And true to her word, she hasn't been back.

And my Mom...

Of course my Mom would be checking in on us.

Last Sunday marked the 22nd anniversary of my "3-Wheeler Accident".

The accident that nearly killed me, that caused me to spend 27 days in the hospital, which in turn caused my Mom to spend 27 days in the hospital.

Because that's what she did... she took care of us.

So it's no surprise that she has been to see my Dad several times.  His need for her comfort is great.

There are times that she checks in that we know it... there are times we just sense it.

It might be when we are just sure we heard her breathing... or when she left a trace of her perfume.  

The boys haven't told me, but I'm sure that there are times when they giggle in their sleep that she's been to see them too.

Karri has ALWAYS been intuitive... so I'm sure if Mom hasn't been there yet, she will be, but that's Karri's story to tell.

She's been to see Lindsey too.  More proof that Mom's ok... but that she's still worried about us.  I know that when Owen woke Lindsey up recently, in the middle of a dream, it was really less of a dream, and more of a conversation.   In that instance, Lindz had gone to see Mom at work, and she was there. Lindsey told Mom that she had died and started crying. At hearing this, Mom immediately got excited and said, "that means we can all have a pinoche tournament, even with Aunt Toots."

And then, Mom being Mom, she looked at Lindsey and said, "oh Honey, I am so sorry!" then she hugged Lindz really tightly and cried with her.

Yes, she is dead.  I know this.  Not a moment of my life goes by that I don't know this.  

But I also know this.  

My Mom is dead, but her life is not over.

My Mom is dead, but her involvement in my life is not over.

I know this. 

I take comfort in this.

It's not enough, but it's something.