November is hard. There are so many "lasts" this month. The last time I saw her, the last time I hugged her, shopped with her, talked to her on the phone, or watched her with the boys.
My life is so different this November than it was last. Who knew then, that in a year I would be without my mom... but have a beautiful baby girl. A baby who is experiencing so many firsts. First smiles, first smooches, first snuggles.
I can't let my grief overtake me. If I did that... I would be missing out on all these firsts. My mom would HATE if I did that. She hated that she missed out on ANYTHING with us girls or any of the grandkids.
We were so blind sided with Mom's death last year that we didn't know that we needed to be savoring all those moments. We took that time with Mom for granted. I don't want to do that again.
My house is a mess. A HUGE mess... I'm barely keeping my head above the water there... but it's not the first time. And Lord knows it won't be the last time....
So as tough as this month is... its still a really good month. I'm savoring all these moments with Baby Courtlynn and her brothers. I'll never have this time with them again. I'll never get to see these firsts again.
Laundry can wait. Dishes can wait. But enjoying this time with my little ones... well that can't wait.
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