What a strange and wonderful, yet bittersweet week this is for me!

It's been all about the numbers and time this week.

I'm counting down the DAYS until the end of school and to the day that our big boys get here for the summer.

Keegers was counting down the DAYS until he turned 4.  He's four YEARS old!  How in the world is that possible?  He had at least a DOZEN friends come to play and celebrate with him!

On Friday, I will be 20 WEEKS pregnant.  My mom hated that we talked in WEEKS for pregnancy now, so I always translated it for her.... that's 4 1/2 MONTHS.  We are halfway there!  Today in fact, we will have an ultrasound and have the chance to see our little one. And... if we choose, we could even find out if my Mom sent us a little boy or a little girl.

We still haven't decided if we will find out or not.... and even if we do, we won't be sharing.

Days, Weeks, Months, Years.

It just keeps on going, doesn't it?

Today marks the 6 month anniversary of Mom's death.  That's half a year, yet feels like a freaking lifetime.

It's funny to me how we make the transition of time.  When did we stop counting the moments, hours, or days?  When did we stop counting Keegan and Sutton's life in the terms of months... and just move on to years?  Age 2? 

I've already left behind hours, days and weeks for my Mom.  How will I feel when I stop counting the months?

This "thing", this loss has made me question these countdowns a whole lot.  When I was pregnant with either of the boys, when someone would ask how far along I was, I think I could quote the weeks and days almost instantly.  It's not the same this time.  I feel like I'm short changing this little one somehow with not showing that same dedication and excitement. 

It's hard to pass the time of my pregnancy.  Each week means that I'm one week farther removed from my mom, and one week closer to not having her here for this baby.  And each hour that I countdown to the Ultrasound, or to the birth of this little one... gets me one hour closer to the day when someone starts counting down for me.

Bittersweet for sure.

But... as I am for sure my mother's daughter... today I'm choosing to focus on the sweet part of that bittersweet.  I'm focused on the candy coating part of my day.

We get to see our baby... her grandbaby.

That's a "hot fudge sundae with chocolate sprinkles and a Hershey Bar on top" kind of sweet day.