We went to church today... the first time since "it" happened.  It felt good to get back.

Before the service started, James pointed out something in the bulletin.  "Hey, there's what you need."

It was information about a Grief Group that's getting ready to start in a month or so.

It took me off guard.

I came from a home where we "deal with things on our own".  Where after nearly dying and spending a month in the hospital, my dad STILL thinks I should have just gone home and taken some Tylenol.  He wanted to just put a band-aid on his finger once... and ended up having four major surgeries instead.  He also thinks that Vick's Vapor Rub can cure about anything...

I also came from a home where depression was an issue from time to time.  And while is wasn't always diagnosed, no one needed a doctor to tell them that the darkness was there.  I've battled it myself, and what I've found is that sometimes it comes on in such a subtle way... that you don't realize how much it has taken over until look up and realize that you can't remember the last time you WEREN'T sad... or DIDN'T cry.  For me... I can look back a pictures and know exactly when it was the darkest ... because I'm always heavier in those pictures. 

I am so incredibly lucky to have James with me during all of this.  He lets me cry when I need to, makes me laugh when I need to, and encourages me to get help if I need to...

I don't think it's a coincidence that I haven't fallen into the darkness since we've been together... and that even after two pregnancies... I weigh less now than when we got married.

I won't be able to attend that group, but I'm so glad that if it comes to it, and I need to seek outside help, he'll be there to support me. 

Also doesn't hurt to know that even after all these years... he thinks I'm pretty cute... no matter how happy or sad I am... or what I weigh...

Who needs meds or therapy, when you've got a guy like that?