My dad Lewie can be a real ass.

I know that, he knows that, hell, anyone who has met him can tell you that.  But he's OUR ass... and I adore him as much as my mom. 

But if anyone ever questioned how my Dad felt about my Mom... their questions should be erased by now.  His grief for her is overwhelming.  At times, I'm afraid we are going to lose him in it.  I've heard stories of people dying from a broken heart, and at times I feel like I'm watching someone with that diagnosis.  It's like he's been pushed off the pontoon... and can't remember how to swim.

I'm lucky.  I can pretend that she's just in the other room, or other state.  It still hits me at times, hard enough to take my breath away, but that happens to him constantly.

He asks anyone who has lost a spouse how long he's going to cry like this.  I think he expects them to tell him he'll be over it by Thursday. 

When you have a baby, they will tell you not to worry about losing the weight.  They, whoever they are, will tell you that it takes you 9 months to put the weight on, so it should take you 9 months to take the weight off. 

So what if it's like that? 

On the 19th of this month, Mom and Dad were to celebrate their 36th wedding anniversary.  They had dated for 2 years before that.  What if it takes you as long to get over the loss as it took you to get to it?

To put that into perspective, in 38 years, Keegers and Suttie will be 41 and 40.

I pray that when the time is right, that he's able to remember how to swim, or at least grab onto the intertube.  Because Mom's not sitting on the beach anymore playing life guard.