Today has been a rough one...

We are down to the final stretch with preparations for James' retirement.  I want so much for everything to be perfect!  I want him to really enjoy his day, because it's such a huge achievement.  I know it will all fall into place, unfortunately I've contracted a serious case of ADD...I start things, but never finish them.

Was it really necessary for me to just reorganize the linen closet when my house is a disaster?

Dad came over this weekend to help us paint.  We had been wanting to get it done before the party, and had convinced Dad to come over and help.

I don't know why I thought that would be a good idea on any level. 

While the painting went well, I had some how blocked out how hard that four hour drive is when you have nothing to do but think. 

I don't think Dad was ready.  I think it was too much for him

Since I've been home I've tried my best to stay busy with all the preparations for the party, and of finishing up the semester.   But like I told a friend today, being with Dad was like pulling a bandaid off a wound.  It brought it all right back to the surface.

It didn't help that I had to mail in copies of her death certificate to different places to confirm that she's dead. 

Holding it in my hand didn't make it any more real. 

Seeing an "official" cause of death doesn't make it make any more sense, or suck any less.  Cause it REALLY, REALLY sucks.

We are going to have a REALLY great week.  We will get to see tons of friends, some we haven't seen in way too long.  And it's going to be SO much fun.  I'm so proud of James.  I'm so proud to be his wife.... but that just reminds me how proud my mom was to be his mother in law.  She was really looking forward to this weekend.  You would have thought SHE was going to get a Navy Pension.

We are going to miss her being there with us this weekend.

But I have a feeling that's going to be an ongoing theme around here.