My mom was lonely.  She never said it to me, but I'm sure of it. 

She had dedicated her life to taking care of all of us, and I think some of her personal friendships suffered.  She wasn't going to complain about it, but as a mom now myself, I can see how isolated she must have felt at times, especially after we grew up, had families of our own, and unfortuately moved away.

Our lives kept us all so busy, that at times we rushed our visits, phone calls, and the worst... her hugs.  I remember way too many times getting frustrated because I just wanted to get off the phone... and she would think of one more thing to say, and then one more, so I would finally say, "MOM!  I have GOT to go!"

Of course I regret that.  Who WOULDN'T?

She just wanted to connect with us, because she didn't feel connected to that many people around her.  She loved the people she worked with, and she had all the people she would run into in the store, or on the street, but she felt like she didn't have someone she could really share her deepest thoughts with.

My poor, poor mom.  She was so wrong.  For someone who lived in a town of less than 500.... to have over 600 people come to her visitation and funeral... there must have been someone in there.  I KNOW there were people in there... because they were the ones who were crying right along with us.

I am SO blessed that I don't feel that same type of isolation that she did. 

I We, my dad and my two sisters and I, have been overwhelmed with the love and support of those around us.  To make it to her funeral in Indiana, friends drove from Michigan, Georgia, Illinois, Ohio... Flew from Texas.  Those who couldn't make it sent beautiful flowers, cards and messages from all over the country.  They called, they cried, they hurt right along with us.

On the night my mom died, a very good friend sent me a message.  In it she said, "There is something about you that just shines, Sara, and I'm willing to bet your mom had a little something to do with that. She will forever shine through you, just as she always has, I'm sure."  That was probably the most amazing thing anyone could ever say to me.  What a compliment!

That's because of my mom.  I wouldn't be who I am today, without her being who she was.  If there is a shred of goodness in me, it's because of that amazing woman.  If I have a friend in the world, it's because there is part of her in me. 

Dear God I pray....