Evenings are the hardest.  Or when I am sitting in a car on a long drive.  Or when I'm in the shoe department. Or when I'm laying in bed late at night.  Or when I'm watching random tv shows.   

Ok... so there are lots of hard times. 

It catches me off guard so often.  I'll find myself carrying on about my day, and then I start to get this anxious feeling, where it is hard to breathe.  If I stay busy, it stays away. 

Tonight I found a receipt for the night that Keegers and I went by ourselves to a pottery place for him to paint his own Christmas ornament.  We had gone a few weeks before with friends to celebrate Suttie's 2nd birthday.  Suttie had painted one, and at the time I hadn't thought about having Keegan do one too.  So we had made time that night, just the two of us to go. 

It was November 30th.  Mom called me later that night while the boys were in the bath.  I didn't get her message until later, and hesitated about calling her back so late.  It was almost 9:30 her time, and I didn't usually call past 9.  But for some reason, I called her back.  She hadn't felt well for a couple of days, so I asked her about how she was feeling and told her that if she didn't get better she needed to go to the doctor the following day.  She said she was better and that she would go to work the next day. 

I told her about Keegan painting his ornament so that he would have one like Suttie.  She said, "That is SO cool!"  It was time to try to get the boys to bed, so we starting saying goodnight.  She said, "Give those boys a hug for me!"  I promised that I would, told her I loved her, and we hung up.

November 30th was the last time I talked to my mom.  Finding that silly pottery receipt reminded me of that... and of that last conversation.  I'm SO glad I called her back... and that I didn't rush the call.