My boys have never been great sleepers, and the last few month's turmoil has not helped that in any way.  In Indiana, we were going to bed at midnight, them sleeping right next to us.  Since we've been back... we just haven't had the energy to fight them, so more often than not... they end up in our bed. 

But it's a tough habit to break, and makes leaving them overnight for any reason tough.

It wasn't an issue of trust, we just felt bad making anyone deal with getting them to sleep... or to stay asleep. 

Finally in October we got brave... or maybe just desperate.  We were invited to go back to one of James' former commands to attend the Navy Ball, so we asked Mom if she would be willing to keep the boys overnight.

She pretty much said she would clear her calendar (and Dad's) to do it.  Her turn down a chance to spend time with "Grandma's Doll Babies?"  Yeah, right.  They got to go and pick out pumpkins, drink lots and lots of chocolate milk... and eat M & Ms...

The next morning, I called to see how it had went.

Mom lied.

She said it was all fine... but I think she was afraid that if she told me the truth I'd never leave them there with her again.  Lindsey ratted her out though!

It seems that some point after placing Sutton in his pack in play near the sewing machine... he got some thread wrapped around his neck!  That freaked Mom out enough that she took him to the recliner to sleep with her there.  Which would have gone well if he hadn't rolled out of the chair!

I know she must have said "Oh Hells Bells!"

I've thought of that weekend lots lately.

My Mom HATED the thought of us letting the boys "Cry it Out"  "I never made you girls cry it out."  So that hasn't helped me move forward with the sleep training the last couple of months either.  And I'll be perfectly honest... I've needed the boys with me.

Last night, Keegers cried and cried to sleep in my bed.  I finally let him... but I refused to let him lay on my arm.  (I was standing firm on this at least) I even turned my back to him... twice.  Only to have him get out of bed... twice... and walk around to the other side so I was facing him... twice.

I gave up.  He cuddled up, laid on my arm, and went right to sleep.

And then I cried.

How DARE I try to deny those boys the one thing I want myself?  More time with my Mom.  Every single DAY I wish I had had a few more minutes for her to hold me in her arms. 

I won't ever have that again.  But I can still give that time to my boys. 

I KNOW we have to get them sleeping in their beds.  I KNOW it... and I will do it.

But right now... it just doesn't seem to matter all that much in the bigger scheme of things.